Oh I Just Can't...

So recently the universe has decided to teach me an important lesson on tolerance and patience. I am not too happy with the universe wanting to teach me this and I find myself often raising my middle finger to the sky in protest and imagining God shrugging his shoulders while drinking some tea. The most recent test of my patience began only a few weeks ago—but these few weeks have gone by as fast as a slug race. There is a woman in her mid-20’s who just recently moved into my apartment complex with her boyfriend. Although her boyfriend seems like a nice guy and proof that opposites attract, I am pretty sure that she is the spawn of Satan. I didn’t think this at first when she approached me while I was walking my dog outside. She seemed like a friendly girl with a fiery spirit and definitely was an open book, telling me far more information about her personal life than I cared to hear.

I began to notice that every time I was outside with my dog, she would show up as if she had some sort of an Angelika radar and follow me around, normally complaining about her own life and on the occasion asking for advice. Now although I don’t usually mind people talking to me and at first the conversations were not that bad, things quickly changed and the complaints shifted to her bragging about the terrible things that she has done. Now when I say terrible things, I am not talking about double parking in a handicap spot terrible, I am referring to sadistic horrible things that made my skin curl and teeth grind. When she would tell me about these things, a sick smile would cross her lips and she seemed almost excited to talk about it. I tried to guide her in hopes that maybe she would see that things like that were not okay, but she would just laugh and tell me that it wasn’t that big of a deal. The few times that she would ask for advice on a certain subject, she would come up with excuses as to why my advice just wouldn’t work. I’ll give you an example of one of our conversations that were not so bad, just so you have a general idea of what I am dealing with right now.

  “How come you have been single for so long? How do you do it?” She asked me with a blank expression.

“I had to learn to love myself and I spend time with friends when I need company,” I responded. “I would rather wait for a really good one instead of settling with the first one that looks at me twice.”

 She paused, looking at me with a cocked eyebrow, “Well I don’t have friends because I am mean to all of the ones that I had.”

Immediately I could tell that this was her way of trying to get sympathy, but I had none to give. For some reason I just can’t feel bad for someone who’s version of a fun time is assaulting a homeless person trying to sleep on a bench so that they could smoke weed. “Well have you considered working on yourself and trying to become a nicer person?” I asked while eyeing a nearby pile of sticks and imagining me building a fire so that I could put out an SOS smoke signal.

 Without hesitation she quickly responded, “Oh I am not the problem. It’s their fault that I am mean to them. I can’t help it that I am mean. It’s just who I am.”

You should have seen my facial expression. I am pretty sure at that moment every muscle in my face dropped and for a split second I didn’t know whether to laugh at a joke or to have a WTF moment. Because of this, I froze, with an almost smirk on my face waiting for her to start laughing or give me some indication that this isn’t “for real.” But unfortunately the reality that she was being serious sank in.

Quickly I told her I had to go. I couldn’t take her anymore. Between pmsing and my bull-shit meter being at – 4, I knew that if I stayed around and continued this conversation my brain would likely melt out of my ears before I ran myself off of a cliff.

Honestly, more than anything, I was frustrated. I saw a human being that had created a depressing life for herself but didn’t want to do anything to change it. She always found a way to point her finger at everyone else but refused to realize that the problem actually was within herself. I saw the potential for her to have a good life but because she had become her own barrier, I knew the life she had would remain the same. Despite the terrible things that she had done to many other people, I just wanted the best for her. After consulting a friend about it, I realized that I can’t change anyone who doesn’t want to change—and most people don’t. Most people are content complaining about things in their life but when faced with the reality of what they need to do to change, they then point the finger to everyone else and blame them instead.

I learned an important lesson that day. Although I want to make the world a better place by helping others change for the better, the reality is, I can’t change anyone. I can only be a light in the life of others, leading by example, and work on myself to be a better person. I can’t make anyone a better person. That’s up to them.