The Next Extinction

                There are a number of articles and stories in the media announcing that our planet is on the brink of the next great extinction; an extinction largely created by humanity’s poor treatment to our planet. While reading these articles I found myself crying several times and I feel a large weight on my chest from the emotional impact of these revelations. I feel like the Earth is my child and the human species is a virus making her sick. It is as if the animals on this planet are her organs and I am watching them slowly shut down and wither into oblivion. I want so much to heal the wounds and halt the ongoing damage but I am at such a loss right now as to what I can do to make a major impact.

                I find myself obsessing over what I can do as an individual. I am researching and considering investing in reforestation, reviewing technological advances in cleaning our trash out of the oceans, and even investigating purchasing land in the rainforest. I am already a firm supporter of recycling, buying recycled products, only eating humane certified/free range/ organic animal products in an effort to sustain the world I love and show respect to the creatures living on it. Maybe some of these ideas won’t work, but I am compelled to explore any good idea.

My heart is aching over what we are doing to this planet. Humanity is right now more concerned about our latest selfie than the fact that the lives of millions of innocent creatures and our collective future is at stake. We are the trigger and the leading force of this mass extinction. We need to unite together and help slow down and perhaps reverse this process of our own diminishment. We can recycle, use less water, pick up trash off the street, plant trees, or plant butterfly and bee friendly plants. If you travel to South America, Africa, or Asia please do not buy an orphaned wild animal. No matter how cute they are, they are not meant to be pets. Imagine how you would feel if your family was taken away from you and you were sold to a random stranger and forced to stay in a strange place. Animals in captivity often times live a far shorter life then in their natural habitat in addition to becoming very sick or depressed. When hunting if you must, please only kill what you need and not just for the sick thrill of taking another life. Use all of the animal and don’t allow it to suffer needlessly. There are humane ways to go about this. Killing just for the sake of killing is unjust and cruel, no matter what species it is.

                 Let’s do what Gandhi says, “Be the change we want to see in this world.” Even the smallest change can make the largest impacts. Stopping the harm that is happing to the Earth starts with you and me. Knowledge without action is worthless. Taking even the smallest action can create a ripple of positive transformation.  Let’s change what is happening and start treating our planet the way that we treat the ones that we love the most. Earth is not just the home to billions of anonymous people and creatures.  Earth is my home.  Earth is your home. Would you turn your home into a trash can? I would hope not. Please show everyone and everything on this planet the same respect that you wish to be shown.

 

My Dog, the Leper

Two weeks ago I noticed that my dog Bear-Bear had something that felt like syrup in his fur. After feeling tiny bumps on his skin under the sticky fur I realized that something wasn’t right so I shaved the area, revealing a very gross-looking patch of raw skin. I thought he had a chemical burn so I took him to the vet and was informed that my dog had a large hot spot. The vet gave me pills and a crème to treat my dog.  For the next few days I was attempting to nurse this area. Within two days, instead of getting better, the hot spot preceded to mutate and grow all the while oozing foul yellow puss and smelling up my entire home. I called the vet and asked “Is it normal for this to happen?” The vet told me to give it a few more days. 

Thank you Google for the suggesting socks to keep him from scratching and screw you for not explaining that the socks only stay up with duct tape. For several days, Bear-Bear walked around like he was stepping on lava doing a strange sort of shamanistic doggy dance while trying to get accustomed to the strange cloth wrapped around his paws. In a way his doggy dance reminded me of synchronized swimmers having seizures in the pool. 

My dog, deciding to be the asshole that he is and needing extra love during his time of need, made it a point to wipe his gook off on my clothes any moment that he could, especially right after I changed outfits. Of course running away screaming only encourages him to chase after me with a wagging tail and this point he was looking more and more like he had leprosy. Have you ever had an English Mastiff chase after you with an oozing, infected head? It’s horrific. I felt like I was being chased by a furry Godzilla wearing socks duct-taped to his legs. 

When I realized that the socks weren’t working, I Youtubed videos on what I should do because I was absolutely clueless and the vet didn’t seem to be providing good advice. After watching a few veterinarians bob their overly-teased heads around on my cracked computer screen, I decided to go with suggestion #3: The Cone of Shame. I went to the pet store and found the largest cone that was available in the obnoxious shade of Barney purple and wrapped it around my dogs head, then stood back to admire the new walking, drooling, four-legged, slightly cock-eyed satellite dish. My dog looked up at me with a look of absolute disgust and within a few minutes I realized that his next move was slamming his cone-imprisoned head into EVERYTHING. Now at first it was funny to see Bear-Bear walking around like a drunk collage girl at a frat party, but when he started knocking everything off of my desk-including my computer screen, it was not so funny. Initially I thought that he was doing this by accident, but after the third time of knocking everything off of the desk, I began to suspect that this was actually a strategic war tactic to seek revenge on the evil cone-buying monster he believed to be his two-legged, furless, biological mother. 

After a week on the antibiotic, the prescribed crème, bactine, hot spot anti-fungal spray, and the cone of shame along with socks on all four paws, the infection only seemingly got larger, smellier, and spread now to his entire face. I took my dog back to the vet where they had to shave his fur into a haircut that oddly reminded me of a tonsure haircut found during the medieval times in western Christianity. The veterinarian sent me home this time with extra strength massive horse pills that I believe even an elephant would have a hard time swallowing and an anti-fungal shampoo that is ironically tutti-frutti scented. Although this medication seems to make my dog believe that he must drink copious amounts of water and now I’m pretty sure he’s single-handed responsible for the California drought. It is at least making him appear less like a leper and more like the furry monster that I adopted. 

I can tell he is feeling a bit better because today when I came home, I wasn’t even able to open the door more than two feet before feeling a happy kiss on my hand and looking at the giant tail wagging dog that I call my 4-legged son. No matter how gross things get, and they have been challengingly vile and drippy, I will always be there to nurse him back to health.     

                                                               On the way to the vet

 

A Message from a Romantic Woman to an Unromantic Man

Generally speaking, women love cheesy and romantic. They want to feel that spark or the butterflies for the entire length of a relationship and not just at the beginning. The problem is, the longer that we are in a relationship, the more “comfortable” we tend to get which means less effort is made and that is when the thrill starts to die out.

When it comes to romance, so many people are in the dark about being romantic. Aside from the typical chocolates, roses, and teddy bear, their “romantometer” is dead. I have heard countless women complain that their partners are just not romantic enough. They rant about how things have just seemed to die out and the passion needs to be rekindled but their partner doesn’t have a clue how to do it. Romance is necessary for a woman because it is your way of expressing love to her in the way that she needs to feel special. As a guide for the terminally clueless, here are some ideas on how to really make your woman feel special.

1.       Get her flowers, but not just any kind, get her a special bouquet with a variety of very particular booms. There is a floral language of love and different flowers mean different things. For example, a white rose means purity while red camellias symbolize passion. You have the internet and google the latest basketball scores, so why not look up a chart on flowers and their meanings? Find the flowers that best describes all of the reasons why you love your partner. Then go out and have a bouquet made of these blossoms and write a nice card to your loved one with the names of the flowers, their meanings, and why you chose those flowers for her.

2.       Leave sweet notes for her hidden throughout the house that say things like “You’re the most beautiful woman I have ever seen” or “I am the luckiest person in the world to have found a woman like you”. Don’t tell her about these note and make sure that some are better hidden than others. This way she finds these notes over a period of days if not weeks. When she mentions it, just kiss her and tell her that you love her and you just wanted her to know. Don’t tell her there are more, just let her figure that out herself. If you are having trouble thinking of places to hide them, try of places like her sock drawer, her purse, her makeup bag, the freezer, in her car, or maybe underneath her pillow. The goal is that she does not find all of these at one time; make it like an Easter egg hunt and put some notes in obvious places while others need to be more securely hidden. In addition to this, you can write “I love you,” on the outside of the eggshells in the fridge with sharpie. Things like this make sensitive women melt.

3.       The next time that you both have an argument, go out and get her something special that she has been wanting for a while. Don’t tell her what you are doing, just go get it. Then write a little note on it or on a card that says, “You are just as beautiful today as the first day that I saw you.” When you get back, give it to her, and walk away. Let her cool off and also see that you genuinely love her no matter how hard times get. Just because you disagree or argue with someone doesn’t mean that you don’t love them.  Remind her and remember yourself.

4.       A good old traditional picnic is a nice way to say, “I love you.” Buy a small bouquet of flowers, dress nicely and have a nice lunch set up at a beautiful park, by a lake, or beside a mountain. Do it accordingly to what landscape she finds the most beautiful. If she likes water set it up beside a pond, lake, or by the beach. If she likes to hike then set up the picnic in view of the mountains or by a mountain (so you can hike with her afterwards). If she likes flowers and parks then go to a park with a lot of flowers in it. Make sure that lunch consists only of her favorite foods- it’s about her, not you. If that is macaroni and cheese, chicken, walnuts, brownies, mashed potatoes, and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, then by god do it. The foods don’t have to match because this isn’t about the food. This is a non-verbal way of saying, “I notice the little things and want to make you happy.”

5.       Let’s just say that your partner has always wanted to go to Paris but you don’t have the money to take her there. Download romantic French music off of the internet. If you don’t know how that sounds like, google it. Then get a nice table cloth, two white pillar candles, and put a small statue of the Eiffel tower in the center of the table. Look up on the internet authentic French recipes and try your hardest to cook some.  If you are a terrible cook then have a backup food- her favorite meal from her favorite restaurant. If the food you cooked turns out well, then tell her that there is a lunch for her tomorrow that you picked up for her to enjoy, and she can find it in the fridge. If the food turns out terrible, just admit to being a terrible cook, have a good laugh and tell her not to worry that you picked up her favorite meal, just in case. It’s a win-win.

6.       When your partner first wakes up, look at her deep in her eyes and tell her that you think she looks breathtaking. Gently touch her face or caress her arm while telling her this to make it more of an intimate touch. That wasn’t hard was it?

7.       Although cliché, breakfast in bed is always a pleasant thing to wake up to. Make the extra effort and use fresh squeezed oranges for her juice, while scrambling eggs add a touch of milk to make them extra fluffy, a slice of toast with her favorite jelly, and cut fresh fruit in a mini fruit salad. Add a single flower beside the plate and write on her napkin a cute poem that you got off of the internet, or better still, one that you wrote. Even someone cheesy like, “Roses are red, violets are blue, you’re the best woman ever, so I made some stew” will be sure to bring a smile to her face. Then serve the food on a tray and put on some soothing music. If you have kids, take care of them for her so that the only person that she needs to worry about is herself.

8.       If your partner has been stressed out about work or life in general, when she gets home from work, surprise her with a clean house and a fresh meal on the table. If you know that she has some errands to run, like picking up clothes from the drycleaner, do them yourself and send her a quick text that you took care of things. Trust me, in her eyes you will be her hero.

9.       Buy her favorite lotion and use it to randomly give her massages without expecting anything in return. Even a quick ten minute massage can mean the world to a woman after having a rough day or when not feeling well.

10.   Take your partner on a walk at night under the stars. If you see a shooting star, point it out and name out a wish based on something about her. This could be, “My wish is that you will be happy everyday for the rest of your life.” Or “My wish is that we will live to be a hundred years old together.”

The small romantic things that you do for us, we hold onto and treasure. It helps boost our day. I still remember small romantic things that people in my life have done for me, even years later.  So take notes and start showing her that you can in fact be the romantic man that she longs for. A little appreciation can go a long way.

Forgiveness is a Gift to Yourself

                Revenge is something that glorified in today’s society. I freely admit it, I used to believe in revenge. I would look at the person who wronged me, smile, and say or at least think, “Just wait, you will see what happens when you mess with someone like me.” I felt this sick satisfaction when I thought that I had gotten even with someone, not realizing that I was actually absorbing my own toxicity and not only hurting someone else but lower myself as a person.  I would laugh and say, “Karma is a bitch,” when I would see the outcome, believing that, “an eye for an eye” was the way to go because of what society instilled in my head. I genuinely believed what I was doing was justified because they had initially wronged me.

                Upon reflection, I realized that this is wrong and initiates a self-perpetuating spiral of negativity. It is never okay to hurt someone else, even if they have hurt you. You are not responsible for delivering Karmic justice and, “getting even” is still harming someone else, regardless of what they did to you. By harming someone else, you are also harming yourself because you have allowed another person’s actions to affect you so negatively that you think there is a justification to doing intentional harm. There is no justification, and there is no end to the tit-for-tat of pain and negative energy.

                When someone wrongs me, I feel like there is a pit growing in my stomach and a weight on my shoulders. I now realize that retaliating is not the path to removing these negative feelings.              

                The best way to, “get even” is to forgive. Forgiveness is not taking the easy way out. It is one of the hardest things to do because when we are hurt, the last thing on our mind is to forgive the other person and to realize that the person that hurt you did that because they themselves are in pain. You have to realize that you are not forgiving the other person for them, you are forgiving them for yourself. You are loving yourself because retaliation and retribution are wastes of your time and energy.  They lower your spirit for a momentary animalistic sense of relief and often have unintended long-term consequences.  Forgiveness takes away the dark bitterness in your own heart and replaces it with light. Forgiveness allows you to move on and truly live your life. Just because you forgive doesn’t mean that you forget, but it does mean that you keep moving forward in life. It means that you love yourself enough to not allow the darkness to reside for very long. When you forgive, you telling yourself, “I don’t deserve to live life in the bondage of someone else’s pain.” You are deciding that you want to be happy and free.

               

I'm speaking to you from the depths of my heart

            I am writing you this raw blog today in the middle of what most people would call a “really bad day.” Today reminded me of Murphy’s Law where truly “everything that can go wrong will go wrong”. After having the morning from hell, I finally arrived at the airport and realized that on top of everything else that was happening, I left my wallet (which was a gift from an old friend) in the back of the Uber car. I was fighting to stay positive but failing miserably. I wanted to cry. I wanted to scream and punch the windows of the airport and in my head I was dramatically curling up in a ball and eating as many cinnamon pretzels that I could possibly fit in my mouth at once. The reason why this was just in my head and not actually happening was because I had no money on me so even though I wanted to eat comfort food, I couldn’t. I sat down on the floor beside the glass doors and did the next best thing. I called a friend of mine and started to unload. I felt like in one day’s time my entire life was starting to fall apart. I just wanted to go home, cry, and hug my dog.

 After about 30 minutes of stressful searching, I finally found the phone number to the Uber driver and called him, telling him that I had left my wallet in the car. I could tell that he got nervous when he responded with the words, “I have another passenger in my car right now who is sitting where you were.” My heart dropped. My wallet not only was name-brand but also had about $60 dollars in it, my driver’s license, and my debit card. The driver asked me to hold on for a moment and I heard a muffled conversation of the driver asking the passenger if he saw any wallet in the car. My heart was pounding. I was terrified that I would be stuck in New York City without any way to get home or even buy a meal.

                The driver came back on the phone and told me that they found my wallet but he had to drop off the passenger first. As he said this a wave of relief came over me. After an hour, the driver drove back and handed me my wallet. Before he left, I opened up my wallet and saw that he hadn’t taken out any of my money and had returned me everything just how I left it. I was impressed with the kindness and honesty that this human who didn’t even know me, demonstrated. He didn’t have to return my wallet. He could have claimed that he couldn’t find it. He could have kept the money and sold the wallet but he chose to drive all the way back to the airport because he was kind.

In return for his kindness I gave him the $60 I had in my wallet and thanked him for doing what he did. It was the least that I could do for him for reminding me that there are still good people in the world. I felt blessed to experience this act of kindness on a day that I don’t ever want to relive.

                I am writing you in the middle of my hard day because I want you to see me at my rawest point. It is one thing to write about having a bad day after it happens and speak about positivity as though that is all I ever feel. I want you to see me at my rawest point because I am in the moment, now, as I write this. The Uber driver’s gesture is a light shining out through my storm of darkness.

 Yes, I am so stressed out that I did buy those cinnamon pretzels along with an overpriced coconut water to somehow lift my spirits. Yes, I am smiling with watering eyes while writing. I keep looking out the window and seeing how pretty the clouds look, distracting myself with their beauty. I am fighting to stay positive and it’s working. Yes I still feel like I have a pit in my stomach but I know that in the end there is a lesson that I will learn from this. I am thankful that I am learning. 

 I realized that yes, several bad things did happen today but that doesn’t make my day bad. Sometimes a bunch of bad things happen in our day but it doesn’t mean there isn’t still good. It is very easy to lose perspective. I am alive and I have so much to be thankful for, including my wallet being returned to me. I am taking a deep breath in and thanking the universe for teaching me whatever lesson it is teaching me today. I am looking at every little thing I have to be thankful for and seeing that there is still beauty around me and I am smiling from ear to ear, even though there are tears in my eyes because life is wonderful, even though at times it can be hard.