Dream Wars

                A few weeks ago I had a conversation with a friend of mine in California about change. It was a sad time because we were saying our last goodbyes before my big move. She expressed to me that she didn’t want me to leave and when she said these words I felt my stomach twist and blinked back the tears that were forming at the corners of my eyes.

                “I have to leave.” I told her while looking into her watering brown eyes.

                She looked down at the ground with deep sadness in her eyes and a solemn voice asking, “Why? I thought you liked California?”

                I felt my jaw tense as I thought back to all of the amazing memories I have now stored away in my mind. California helped me find myself in many ways.

“I do. I love California and the people that I have met here and I am going to miss everyone that I have met but the thing is, I came here because I felt like I was supposed to and I am now leaving because I am supposed to. I don’t want to leave but I have to leave.”

                “Aren’t you scared?” she asked me.

                “Yeah, I honestly am. However, sometimes you have to do things even if you are scared shitless.”

                Often times we don’t run after our dreams because it means change. I have had a lot of change happen in my life and I am equally uncomfortable with every change. In fact, I admit change is scary. When I initially moved to California, I was afraid. It was the furthest move that I had ever done and I drove across an entire continent without a job, without furniture, and with only the items that I could fit in my old beat up Honda Accord with transmission issues.  My dog was in the back seat and my cat was in the front. But I knew I was supposed to go to California. I didn’t know why but I knew I needed to. I was so scared when I moved started driving that I cried almost every day for a week. The closest family member was about 2,000 miles from where I would be staying and there is nothing scarier than to realize that you are doing something completely alone. I didn’t submit to my fears, even though every ounce in me wanted to. Because of this adventure, I met life-changing people. I was able to experience the action of love from complete strangers and able to meet the rarest form of individuals- genuinely good people.  

                Now here I am, moving across the United States to a state that I never have even visited before. Yes, I am scared because change is scary and my mind is doused in the terrible “What if’s”, but I am taking things one step at a time. I am not just following my dream, I am running after it as fast and hard as I can with determination crushing the fear that burns within me.

 I am writing this blog for everyone out there not following their dream because they are afraid. Perhaps you are afraid to fail. If you are not following your dream, you already have failed. Not succeeding isn’t failure, it just means that the universe is adjusting your path a little bit. Failure comes when you allow fear to inhibit you from doing what is deep inside of your soul. Only then are you truly failing yourself. You are currently alive in this life. Take your dreams and turn them into a reality or at least fight for that reality. It is scary and sometimes it means a giant move and a lot of change, but in the end whatever outcome that will happen is supposed to happen. For me personally, I would rather be on my death bed and say, “I tried and I fought for my dreams”, instead of wondering, “What if?”