The gem and the rock

For so many years I jumped from one bad relationship to the next. I would meet this amazing person who had all of these good qualities that I admired so much. I remember one was this awesome artist with a heart full of poetry and a head full of dreams. Another one was really into charity and volunteering. This person seemed to have a heart of gold, which I found very sexy. While another one wanted to be an inspirational speaker and help others become better people. It would always start off so well. Ide find myself getting excited, thinking that I met this amazing person and it would never cease to fail that everything would blow up in my face and it felt like my heart was crumbling.  In the end I would find out that they either cheated on me, stole from me, lied about everything, or worse-tried to kill me.

I remember wondering if there was anyone out there that would ever appreciate someone like me. I didn’t understand what was wrong with what I had to offer and why someone wouldn’t treasure that. I was loyal, honest, I cooked amazing meals from scratch almost every night, I would randomly give them gifts to show them how special they were, I am smart, told that I am funny, and very affectionate.  

But everything that I did was never enough and in the end I would be thrown away like trash, or I would watch myself slowly break, then pick up my pieces and walk away, wondering why. And even though every part of me felt like the victim, I still took the time to figure out what I was doing wrong and try to fix that and not them.

I usually don’t talk to my ex’s, (it’s my little rule) but not too long ago I found myself in a conversation with the one person I was with the longest and the one person who damaged me the most. I asked this person (whom I hadn’t spoken to in 4 years), “Why did you not appreciate me? Was I not a good girlfriend?” After a pause of silence, this person sadly responded with, “I didn’t realize what I had, until you were gone and I couldn’t get you back. After four years of being with other women, I realize how rare you are.”   

A few months later I was thinking to myself about all the other amazing women and men that I have met, who have gone through relationships with people that treated them like they were nothing. They have done for their partners what I did for mine and still were crushed and thrown away, like they were worthlessly disposable.    

So I thought to myself and realized that there are two types of people in this world… One isn’t better than the other, they are just harder to find… See most people are common rocks…but amongst those rocks are a few gems.

Rocks don’t need a lot of care. They are content laying in their yard, doing nothing but looking out for themselves and looking “pretty” in “their garden”. A rock will recognize the rarity of a gem but usually still treats the gem like a rock. How can you expect a rock to treat a gem any other way?

On the other hand, gems are a rare kind of stone. They require upkeep and care. Gems are placed in jewelry and do things like make others feel good about themselves. BUT if they are placed in a bed of rocks, they become scratched up and lose their luster.

Gems treat those that they love like gems. They polish and care for others because that’s what they personally need. But a garden rock--although equally beautiful in their own way-- will never truly appreciate a gem, because they will continue to treat the gem as if it was a yard rock.

If you are a gem in a bed of rocks, then love yourself enough to leave. Once you have left, polish yourself to a beautiful glow and wait until you find that one gem that treats you like you are the rarest diamond they will ever come across. You’re worth the wait.

Adult Bully

     

Looking at my social media feed, I see a consistent theme of stories about children bullying others and how it’s wrong and needs to be stopped. Yet what I find interesting is the lack of pointing out that we as adults are bullying others just as much as the kids are.

Let me ask you this… What is bullying?

           Now most people would say it is when someone says something mean to someone else in order to hurt them.

           Now let me ask you this; have you ever said something unkind to your partner when you were angry? Something that you knew would hurt them?

            Or how about this; when you leave comments on someone’s social media, even if they are well known public figures, have they ever been degrading?

            Bullying isn’t only limited to children. I see a disturbing amount of bullying going on throughout the internet and in relationships between adults.

            Telling your partner, “you’re stupid,” “a slut,” “ugly,” “fat,” or anything that intentionally hurts them, whether in anger or not, is in fact a form of bullying. Even if they did do something that equally hurt us, that doesn’t give any excuse to hurt them in return. How is a teenager calling a young girl a slut any different than one adult calling another a slut? Well the difference is that we as adults are the role models setting examples to the younger generations. We should know better.

           We are all guilty of speaking out of anger at some point in our lives. I certainly have, so please in no way think this as me pointing fingers.

           Now let’s now look at the internet. How many of us have said something degrading about someone (Including celebrities) on a feed? How is leaving that nasty comment any different from a kid leaving a cruel comment on someone else’s feed? We get enraged over children cyber bullying but have we looked at ourselves and what we say and do? Kids read our comments too, not just adults.  As with everything in our lives, that’s how they learn what is and is not acceptable behavior. Are we setting the proper tone for kids to emulate?

        If we are to fight against bullying, we really need to look at ourselves first. Before we speak, I encourage that we stop and think, “Will this lift the person up or help them improve their life in any way?”  If the answer is, “no,” then does it really need to be said?

What is love?

 

What is love? Is love a feeling that we get when we look at someone? Or is it deeper?

            I feel like in today's society, we rely too much on feelings and not enough on action. To me, love isn't a feeling I get when I look at someone. It has nothing to do with butterflies or a "spark.” I believe that love is an action. I believe the feelings of giddiness and giggles will fade and you are left with the raw human standing in front of you. This person isn't perfect... in fact they are far from it.

Love says, "Oh you want to be grumpy today? That's ok. Let me give you a massage or make you dinner."

Love says, "Yes I am not naturally monogamous, no human is. We all have temptations, but I will choose to be loyal to you, even when the sparks in bedroom are no longer fireworks. Why? Because I LOVE YOU."

Love says, "I will hug the shit out of you, even when you bug the shit out of me."

When you truly love someone, you should never call them names, no matter how angry you are. When you love someone, you lift them up and never bring them down. I believe love isn't easy, because nothing good is.  Love takes work, it takes compromise and it takes effort though that effort should be rewarding. If the work becomes a chore, then it’s a job and not a relationship.  Love is the action of romancing someone even if you are not naturally a romantic person. Love is making the effort to understand the other person’s views and beliefs, even if you don't necessarily agree with them.

Love kisses away tears when times are hard and holds your other half at night even if you want to push them away because of a disagreement. If you love someone, you should treat them the same way that you did when you first met them. If you bought them flowers once a week, don't stop. If you can’t afford flowers, make one out of paper. Make the effort.

Love is the most beautiful gift the universe has given us, but if you are showing the action of love to someone who doesn't appreciate you, then love yourself enough to leave no matter how hard it is. Trust me, I know first-hand that can be the hardest thing in the world. Remember this; love yourself enough to be with someone who displays the actions of love to you and love them enough to show reciprocation because Love is not words, it is action and reaction.

Caring for even the smallest

I was at butterfly exhibit the other day and noticed one of the butterflies on the ground was about to be stepped on. I stopped the person about to step on this bug and leaned over to see why it was on the ground in the first place. The small butterfly had half of its wing ripped off and sat quietly, without moving. Squatting down, I placed my finger beside this beautiful creature and waited for it to crawl on my finger on its own accord. (You should always be careful to never touch a butterfly’s wings. They are very fragile.)

To my surprise, it quickly climbed on and patiently held onto my finger. I looked around for the flower that contained the most buds on it and placed the small creature on it. To make sure the butterfly also had water, I placed a moist leaf on the flower plant, in a place where the butterfly could have easy access to it.

This butterfly is a perfect example of how we tend to treat the people and animals on this world. It isn’t that we are horrible people that go though each day trying to hurt something or someone... we just tend to be oblivious to those that need our help because we are racing though our own reality.

Some people say, “Oh it was just one butterfly. What difference does it make?” Well it made a difference to that butterfly. And no I didn’t change the world by putting a bug on a plant so it wouldn’t be crushed by an oblivious human. But I changed that butterfly’s world because it was able live for another day.

                Change and impact doesn’t necessarily mean ending war or world hunger. It means taking 5 seconds to do something kind for someone or something else. Especially for those that are forgotten about, like homeless people and the elderly. Go open a door for someone and smile at them as they pass by, or pick up a piece of trash because there is too much litter on this planet already.  It doesn’t take much time to do something good

                So pick up that bug that is about to be crushed, go spend some time with a stranger in a nursing home, plant a tree, or give someone random a compliment. You never know the kind of impact that you made in their world by taking time out of your day.

                Change will not happen, until we make it happen. This world is very dark, so let’s put some light in it. Remember this… a single candle can light an entire room. Be that candle.