So a
few days ago I was searching through amazon because I felt like spending my
money on something that wasn’t groceries or bills. Since I love taking care of
my skin and have a thing for facial supplies, I came across the biore deep
cleansing strips for the face. Since I had tried the charcoal ones for my nose
and liked seeing how my black heads were ripped out of my face like babies from
a womb, with minimal discomfort, I decided to buy these items just to see if
they worked for the rest of my skin. Now keep in mind I have very minimal
blackheads on any area that is not my nose but my logic was simple, “What if
they are like ninjas hiding on my skin and once I use these little
sonofabitches I will be in a state of shock at the field of black heads that I
pull forth?”
Two
days later my strips came in and I was so excited I could barely contain
myself. The package contained a woman smiling pleasantly as these strips sat on her face. Quickly I washed my face and smacked these white strips on my cheeks
and chin imagining all the good that I was doing for my skin. Throughout the
ten minutes that I waited, I kept pushing down on these glory strips, waiting
for them to harden.
Finally,
the endless ten minute wait was over and I was about to reveal my new fresh
beautiful skin. Rushing to the bathroom I read the label on the side of the
package that said, “Forceful removal of the strip should be avoided and may cause skin abrasions,” and directed that I should pull off the strips slowly. Oh this doesn’t sound
like it will be sunshine and flowers but I didn’t think much of this warning
until a few moments later.
With slight hesitation I began to gradually
pull of the first strip and immediately I felt this demon cloth ripping out the
facial hair that I never realized I had, follicle by follicle. I realized then that the smiling lady on the cover was only smiling because of her ignorant bliss to what would happen to her skin only moments later. Imagine covering
your face in wax and then the wax specialist telling you, “We are going to do
this as slowly as possible but don’t worry, your pores will be clean.” It was
in the moment that the biore strip had barely left my cheek that I thought to
myself with watering eyes, “What have I done?”
I am
pretty sure that these strips were created originally by the government to
extract information from our enemies but when they realized that it gives a
deep clean to our good old pores, they redistributed it to consumers. By the
time the last strip had left my face I looked like the Floridian sun and my
skin made a lobster love child. This is one of those “learning moments” in
adulthood when you realize that the idea was better than the reality and it is an "experience" that I do not want to relive. As far as
the outcome of the strips is concerned, it turns out that I have no blackheads
on my face and I no longer have hair either.
You would be beautiful even if I had no hair.
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