The other day I woke up not feeling quite myself--and by
that I mean, I felt like a Gorilla had played wack-a-mole with a two-by-four on
my body, mainly concentrating on my head. As I opened my eyes, I realized that
despite being sick as a dog, I still needed to go to work so that I can afford
my Trader Joe’s addiction and if you have been keeping up with my blogs you
will know exactly how bad that addiction is. Groaning, I looked hatefully at
the sunlight pouring through my windows, while silently cussing out God for
making the sun so friggen bright.
The day went by slower than a slug
race and every minute that passed by seemed like an endless eternity of my body
finding different ways to express its disdain for me. The end of my shift couldn’t
come fast enough and by the time that I left work waddling to my car like a
pill popping zombie, a thunderstorm had come, so I had the delightful time of
strolling through the pouring rain like some dramatic movie about someone’s bad
day. After an endless amount of bumper to bumper traffic and a mastiff that wanted
to take his ever loving time to take a shit, I finally crawled into bed and
came to the conclusion that I was dying. I wasn’t sure what I was dying from,
but between my lack of hunger, my body feeling like I was jumping between a
frozen tundra and Satan’s asshole- due to running a fever, and my aching body,
I was convinced that I was going to die.
After napping and having terrifying nightmares
of Donald trump chasing me, I finally wake up to a missed call from my best
friend, of which I hesitantly return the call of. (Apparently I am not very
social when dying.) Picking up the phone she greeted me with the usual tone of
sunshine and flowers exploding from her vocal chords, neither of which were
appealing to my miserable ogre mind. Gruffly I expressed to her that I felt
like death and after listening to my symptoms and lamentations, she cheerfully
told me that I might have limes disease or the flu. Neither of those sounded
appealing to me but both required rest so I took the remaining part of the day and
watched cartoons and the Home and Garden channel.
This is where life take a crazy
twist and one of the 500 reasons why I shouldn’t watch the Home and Garden channel.
After watching around 3 episodes of flea market flip, I came to the realization
that I too wanted to flip things and try to sell them. Though I don’t have much
vision when it comes to refurbishing anything and my carpentry skills consist
of watching someone saw and hammer for me, I have decided that life is all about
experiences and this is an experience that I want to have. So today is the day
that I become an amateur carpenter entrepreneur and as Effie Trinket said in
The Hunger Games, “May the odds be ever in your favor.”
No comments:
Post a Comment