To love or not to love?

Yesterday, I was at the book store in the self-help section. This is my favorite section because I love finding new ways to better myself. As I stood in this section, a woman in her 40's walks up to me and somehow we ended up striking up a conversation while searching for a good book. As we were talking, she begins to tell me that she is desperately searching for a way to make her husband like her again. She tells me that she has tried everything and finally she just asked him, "Do you just not like me?" In which he said in response, "Well you have gained a little weight and you are not as young as you used to be." Looking at me with sad eyes she pointed to me and asked, "You seem to have a lot of sex appeal. How do I become more like you?"

          As soon as she asked this, I wanted to cry. I was angry for her. I was angry that someone could be so cruel. I was angry at society for the unattainable standards of physical perfection they have brainwashed everyone to hold in their minds.

So here I am, writing another blog, being as raw as I possibly can be. So now I will write about what I told her and hope that if you are in a similar situation, you will benefit from my advice.

If you look at me now, you will see a confident woman who knows her worth. But that wasn't always the case. Several years ago I was involved in a severely abusive long-term relationship. I loved this person very, very much despite their anger issues and alcohol abuse. (I will discuss more of what I went through in different blogs, but for now I will stick with what is relevant to this one.) A couple of years into the relationship, I temporarily got on medication which cased my hair to thin and my face to break out. Although I didn't feel attractive, I still tried my best to look as attractive as possible but all of this was done in vain. My partner no longer wanted to touch me in any way. This includes holding me at night. Finally, one night, I turned to my partner and said, "Do you just not find me attractive anymore? Am I doing something wrong?"

The response I got crushed me. "No. I don't find you attractive anymore."

Turning around in the bed, I didn't respond. All I could do was cry. I already didn't feel attractive. Now I just felt like a monster. The hardest thing in the world for me to do was get out of this relationship. It took me a few years to finally believe that I was worth more than what I was getting. When I finally got out of this relationship, I felt so broken and empty and for all intents and purposes, I was. I picked up my broken pieces and moved but I swore to myself I would never allow myself to be treated like that again. This was the hardest and the best decision I have ever made in my entire life.

The confidence I have now is a result of YEARS of self-help books. I have taken every broken piece of me and created a beautiful mosaic. I have learned to love myself. I learned that I am worth being in a loving relationship where I am treated right, and I would rather be single than treated in a disrespectful manner.

Ladies, you are beautiful no matter how old you are or how much weight you gain. You are sexy, sensual goddesses that deserve the action of love. If the person you are with no longer sees it or treats you right, then they do not deserve you. YOU DESERVE TO BE LOVED AND RESPECTED.

If a person puts you down for physically changing, it's because they are broken and want you to feel the hollowness that they do. Learn to love yourself one step at a time. Learn to respect yourself and if no one has told you today, I am now taking the time to. You are beautiful.